It’s a pain I can’t explain
Nor understand
That rises up
At the slightest provocation
That only it detects
It pierces my chest
Hijacks my breath
Holds me in an unbearable chokehold
That I am not sure I can endure
Years of grief
Layers of shame
Rise up
Threatening to do me in
This time
It’s not even about
The person I know
Only in a disjointed, anxious way
That is everything to me
And nothing at all
But it feels like it is
About what happened here
Now
And not my entire past of hurt
Condensed into a wave
This encounter triggered
I want to understand it
I need to be able to explain it
I try to focus on the sensations
To make sense of its role
In my makeup
But it dulls
Stealthily disappears
On the wings of dissociation
Leaving me to wonder
If anything about me is real