It’s a pain I can’t explain

Nor understand

That rises up

At the slightest provocation

That only it detects

It pierces my chest

Hijacks my breath

Holds me in an unbearable chokehold

That I am not sure I can endure

Years of grief

Layers of shame

Rise up

Threatening to do me in

This time

It’s not even about

The person I know

Only in a disjointed, anxious way

That is everything to me

And nothing at all

But it feels like it is

About what happened here

Now

And not my entire past of hurt

Condensed into a wave

This encounter triggered

I want to understand it

I need to be able to explain it

I try to focus on the sensations

To make sense of its role

In my makeup

But it dulls

Stealthily disappears

On the wings of dissociation

Leaving me to wonder

If anything about me is real