Surrender

When I raise the white flag of surrenderUpon a mound of shards of myselfThat could no longer keep it togetherWill anyone even know it? When I heave the package From my trembling shouldersThat can no longer bear the burdenWill I have where to stow it? When I ink a letter of resignationIn blood and in sweatAnd in […]

What I knew all along

“I can’t need anyone,” I said solemnly, meaning it with every fiber of my being. “No one cares enough. No one understands. No one has the energy for me.” You seemed to think you knew better. “We are wired for connection,” you said. “People do care if you let them.” “We need others; it’s the […]

The fence I built

I’m dying of thirst Just a few feet away from water Behind a fence Of my own making Why did I erect this fence And cordon myself off From the water My parched soul pines for? Because more than water, Hydration, A balm for my thirsting soul, I need to stay safe. I cannot risk […]

Little girl (a spoof)

Not too long ago, I was having this major push and pull with the little girl inside me. (Oh man, I’m not the inner child type! everything in me was screaming.) And yet, I had to face (am still trying to face) the fact that I’m going to have to somehow make peace with her […]

Take me to the ocean

Take me to the oceanWhere I can face just the emptiness of an endless horizonTake me to the oceanA force untouched by human infliction Take me to the oceanBecause only its fury can match the pounding of my heartSo the ocean roar thrums louder than the chatter in my mindSo I can take in the […]

This is the hole

This is the hole. This formless, nameless, colorless chasm of fog. It’s a longing for something that doesn’t exist. It’s being homesick for a home that never was. It’s yearning for something that never will be. It’s wandering in a network of slippery caverns, seeing only hints of light but no outlet. It’s ungroundedness. It’s […]

Beneath the surface

We discuss benign topics. I stay on safe ground. Expectations, values, a tiny touch on guilt. We can talk about these things. And then I leave the room and everything hurts. There’s a thousand pounds weighing in my chest.  Why? I wonder. What just happened? Beneath the surface is an abyss of pain that I […]

Unfilled

You open up a well of needA void in which deep yearning breedsSearing pain that makes me chokeAs I inhale burning, acrid smoke A chasm that will not be filledA longing that cannot be stilledJust pain and lack a pointed dartAimed right at my battered heart I tell you what is on my mind“Yes, you’re […]

Story of my life

What if the fact that I need healing is a myth planted in my brain by the therapy community? What if the fact that I’m traumatized is a fable co-created in a well-appointed therapy room? What if my childhood, while not ideal, was just normal? What if I’m whipping up drama where there was none? […]