The idea of holding space can be hard to understand if not experienced. In this piece, I will do my best to give a felt sense of what it means.
Holding space is to hold all that is, was and that never will be.
As a therapist, I need to access my grounded and compassionate presence; to be able to not reject, but accept, what is with me and in front of me.
Holding space is to normalize the experience of the human in front of me.
It is to be with the pain.
I have my own human internal experience that I notice, as I deeply witness my client’s experience in the moment.
From the past we travel through the emotions, and we journey through time and space, together.
It’s a time to fully experience life’s vibrations.
And to let all that is to just be — by listening, validating, reflecting, observing, normalizing, and making sense of it.
And in this way we find safety.
These emotions are not a threat; they’re part of the human experience, especially in the aftermath of trauma.
We do not have to try and escape them.
Paradoxically, staying with it is healing. It allows us to act in a manner that resonates with the soul.
I would also like to contrast this: When we try to fix and problem solve the pain in attempts to make it go away, we end up intensifying the pain as we increase the internal conflict between the existing pain and the need to get rid of it.
(Please note this is not to cancel out all problem-solving and solution-seeking, as those too, have their time and place.)
When we truly settle into what is… the pain — on its own — begins to dissipate.
And that’s the magic.
