By: Malky Grunwald
I’ve been hurt. In a deep way. Biting, ugly words were rubbed into tender, bleeding skin. By someone who should have been there to protect me, to think the world of me, to always bring the very best out in me.
Instead, I’ve often been her punching bag, a convenient dartboard, target practice for her flying insults and pointed barbs. This fresh pain is consuming me for more sick days than I could afford. I’m left feeling vulnerable and sucked into a burning typhoon of rage.
I already spoke to my therapist about it. I’ve sat with the pain. And yes, of course, I’ve already spent hours and hours over the years crying and healing from similar episodes. I’ve vacillated between confronting her and cutting off ties, and every option in between. And still I wince every time I remember those hurtful words.
It takes a never-ending difficult week and one smart, courageous friend to acknowledge that I no longer want to give her this amount of power, energy or brain space, and I am ready to try something that sets each one of my neurons on fire. Desperation helps me soldier on. That, plus the awareness that the only one I have power to change in this story is…. me!
I cut a large sheet of paper into a circle and mark it into twelve triangles. In the center, in beautiful script, I write our her name, keeping a wax bag nearby in case my gag reflex kicks in. And then I call upon every creative brain cell to come be of assistance. And boy, oh boy, do I need their help.
I start thinking of how it’s been beneficial to me to be hurt in this way. Yes, my friends, beneficial to me. You read that right. I wrack my brain. What have I gained from being hurt and shamed by her?
I figure I’ll probably squeeze out four items, three of them outlandish and farfetched. Yet I keep on surprising myself. What have I learned because of what was said to me?
I write “I know not to shame my children” into the first wedge. One down, 11 more to go… deep breath.
“I know not to label my children.”
Have I healed more layers of self through this? Have I gotten support from others because of this? Yes! Another plus for me!
“Received support from my siblings.”
Have I learned something new about myself? Gained more resilience? Yes and yes!
“I can have true compassion for others who are shamed.”
Much to my shock and wonder, this fills the last slice of my (humble) pie. I am left feeling free.
Boundless. Weightless. Strong. Blessed.
