Who are you? I wonder.
Are you the person I felt so understood by all those months, er, I mean, six days ago? The one I thought was okay to hold in my heart and my mind and derive encouragement from? The one who I thought was perfectly okay serving as my mental guide and supporter in some intangible way?
The one about whom I thought: So, big deal… I can just be myself, all the way, in front of you. You get me. You accept me. I’m starting to feel okay around you.
The one with whom I wanted to share so many of my experiences and feelings throughout the week?
Or… are you the person who started fading in my mind as the days crawled by? The person who is somewhat of an enigma to me, about whom I wonder: Who are you, anyhow? Do I really have anything with you? Do you even care about me? Is this “manufactured” relationship something that even counts, or is it just training wheels, just here as a prop while I learn better, so you can smoothly disappear from my life and move on? The one who doesn’t seem so solidly safe anymore, a mere fleeting shadow of the rock I thought you are.
Time does this thing with my brain. I’m so unsure now. And tomorrow, I need to get to your office again.
I don’t even know who you are, what you are to me, what I am to you, and yet, I know so well that I need to discuss with you… well, just about everything.
If only I’ll be able to know with clarity that indeed you are okay with that.
Because sometimes I’m not sure. And then I just sit on the bags I bring along all session, never letting you peek in. And then I take them home with me, untouched, so they can clutter up another week with their stuff.
