Who are you? I wonder.
Are you the person I felt so understood by all those months, er, I mean, six days ago? The one I thought was okay to hold in my heart and my mind and derive encouragement from? The one who I thought was perfectly okay serving as my mental guide and supporter in some intangible way?
The one about whom I thought: So, big dealā¦ I can just be myself, all the way, in front of you. You get me. You accept me. Iām starting to feel okay around you.
The one with whom I wanted to share so many of my experiences and feelings throughout the week?
Orā¦ are you the person who started fading in my mind as the days crawled by? The person who is somewhat of an enigma to me, about whom I wonder: Who are you, anyhow? Do I really have anything with you? Do you even care about me? Is this āmanufacturedā relationship something that even counts, or is it just training wheels, just here as a prop while I learn better, so you can smoothly disappear from my life and move on? The one who doesnāt seem so solidly safe anymore, a mere fleeting shadow of the rock I thought you are.
Time does this thing with my brain. Iām so unsure now. And tomorrow, I need to get to your office again.
I donāt even know who you are, what you are to me, what I am to you, and yet, I know so well that I need to discuss with youā¦ well, just about everything.
If only Iāll be able to know with clarity that indeed you are okay with that.
Because sometimes Iām not sure. And then I just sit on the bags I bring along all session, never letting you peek in. And then I take them home with me, untouched, so they can clutter up another week with their stuff.
